Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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