Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Randomize
