it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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