would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
