I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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