i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
