i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
