Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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