I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
