i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
