jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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