dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
