I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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