Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Will you blow on my dice?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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