Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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