Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
