Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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