why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
