just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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