Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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