This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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