dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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