it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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