Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
