I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
