He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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