Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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