Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
