she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
