OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
