I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
