They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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