So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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