and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
