Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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