I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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