i think my mom watched the whole time
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
