Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
