I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
