I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize