Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
