we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
