By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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