Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm both gender and math confused
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
