I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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