last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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