If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
