you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
