Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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