I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I need moral support for this bender
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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