I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
