His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
