just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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