saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
