Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
