she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
