I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
