some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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