Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
