Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
