my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
