there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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