You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
