As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
