she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
