A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
