Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
