remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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