you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
