She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize