Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
