am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize