I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
