4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
