currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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