Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
