You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
