The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
