so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
