i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
