So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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