Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wish there were birth control emojis
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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