so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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