The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize