he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
