proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
