You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
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