Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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