margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
