the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
