I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize