It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
