When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
