Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
