he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
