STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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