Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
