Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
