he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
