from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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