history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
