i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
