chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
