ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
