we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
operation have a gay friend backfired
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
