The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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