I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
