So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
