Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize