Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
