tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
