While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize