Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
