I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
