I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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