you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
