you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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