I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
