apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
