do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize