It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
