Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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