oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
