I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
