I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
